Prayer, Silence and Fasting Seminar at Domus Pacisi by Peggy

Okay, here I am sharing with you all my first thoughts regarding my pilgrimage and on the ? all in the "School of Our Lady". As I type this on the computer, my stomach is rumbling and ?singing?, and reminding me of the body's song to Jesus being adored in the Most Blessed Sacrament through out the Prayer and Fasting Seminar. Every stomach, adjusting to the bread/water/tea diet, was just singing away in the silence -- be it in the chapel, at meal times, in bed, or on the path to church! All petitions were with me throughout my pilgrimage and presented in the petition basket before leaving.
I arrived Wednesday evening of Holy Week, walkedimmediately through the fields to the evening prayer program for HolyMass, prayers, and adoration...a wonderful start for the two weeks in Medjugorje. The crowds grew each day I was there. I again stayed in Bijakovici so I was able to walk to St. James through the fields each day;climb Apparition Hill almost every morning. The walking is always important for me. It is a time for prayer out-of-doors and spring was infull bloom -- a time for rejoicing!
The retreat was neither a "pit" for me, nor was there a "fireworks display"at any point. It was pure discipline that I was absorbing. It is interesting that, before the retreat, I was the only pilgrim at Zlata'shome. Since she speaks no English I was already eating my meals in silenceand prayer before the retreat, returning to the same thing following the retreat. Somehow the contrast to my high school cafeteria would be broughtto my mind!! :)
"Letting go" was also a theme for me, departing on the pilgrimage with some heavy mental and emotional 'baggage' (you may recall some of my postsasking for prayers). This letting go, and letting God have all that is in my heart, is an on going process. There are times when it is easy, even in the most difficult circumstances. And there are times when it takes every effort of mind, body and heart. What time and age are teaching me isthat there are NO ANSWERS to the spiritual life...there is only process.Each lesson learned, has levels that continue to reveal themselves over theyears. Quite frankly I was a bit on edge thinking that I was going to go into the desert of some deeper levels of past healing, and that this wouldpresent challenges I was not capable of meeting. I try to surrender situations, and try not to control. But I usually fail and continue projecting my fears on the future? whether the future is the next hour,the next week, or the next year. This is what the Blessed Mother means when she says: "Also today I call you to have >more< trust in me and mySon." This English-speaking prayer and fasting 'seminar,' as it is called,begins early on Monday morning and continues through Saturday morning.Here are some of the 'particulars' although the schedule changed on somedays. There were 40 participants from America, Ireland, Canada andEngland. One young man was from Hungary. It was lead by Maria Dugandzic,with presentations by Fr. Ljubo translated by Nancy Latta. It was the first retreat offered in English since Fr Slavko died, and so very poignant for a number of people. And you could really sense Fr Slavko's presence! Maria reminded us continually to "keep the silence" -- silence not only of our speech, but also silence of the body...to move silently, walk silently.Awareness of our bodies as connected to thoughts, movement, prayer,emotions, reactions, needs, wants...it was interesting in both awareness and in practice for me. She said to create our own silent space within us. Forme this place became a meeting place where I could meet Jesus without distraction; to converse with Mary without interuption. Fr. Ljubo placed Jesus in the monstrance at 9 a.m. Monday morning. This Adoration continued until 8 a.m. the following Saturday morning. I prayed to once again fall in love with Jesus in this most Blessed Sacrament...and my prayer was heard.The only reading material we were to use was the Bible. It was also for me atime to fall in love with Sacred Scriptures! We prayed each morning and each afternoon together selected Psalms, using the lectio divina techniques.We broke into two 'choirs', left and right, while in the chapel and one side would read two lines of the psalm and the other side the next two lines, andso on. At the end, following a period of silence, we were invited to read a phrase or a line that struck us as individuals, allowing silent time inbetween. This was wonderfully effective in making the psalm a 'living prayer'.Meals were not a place one would ever go hungry. You were simply limited to bread for food; quantities were unlimited. There were baskets of freshbread -- four or five different kinds -- at each meal. Water in pitchers, awide variety of teas for hot beverage, lemon, sugar. And these all werealso available between meals, with the addition of apple juice being available between meals. The purpose was not to starve, but to limit; this limitation helped me to focus on the Bread of Life. Soothing music was played during each meal, which assisted in the meditation process. It is amazing what a little piece of bread, on an otherwise empty plate, will teach you!The only time we spoke was when we were singing or praying. Each evening we went to the evening prayer program at St. James, beginning with the rosaryat 5 p.m. We would return for dinner at 8 p.m., unless adoration began atthe church at 8. Following dinner we would return to the church for Eucharistic adoration or adoration of the Cross. Upon return to the house (Domus Pacis) we would sign up for adoration hours throughout the night.There was an afternoon break most days of two hours as our 'free time'.
I used this time to reflect and do some drawing, which is a form of meditationfor me. One drawing of a piece of bread has a host emerging from it...We climbed Krizevac one morning as a group. Some who could not make theclimb were given other 'assignments' that were to help them keep focus onthe retreat. We climbed Pdbrodo Friday afternoon in a rain and thunderstorm(we all wanted to do this!) and it stopped raining by the time we reached the top. We were the only ones there-- no small miracle! Saturday morning, the last day, we met in the chapel for prayer as usual at7 a.m. Fr Ljubo spoke briefly and we went up to a wonderful breakfast of eggs, coffee, bread (!), and little cakes to celebrate the end of our week's fast. Talk was plentiful, as was laughter! Some reflections I remember...some I took down as notes or sketches. I include a little more here..
Fearis the opposite of faith. I battled fears every day on the retreat. Thefears I thought I had renounced years ago seemed to resurface in a nebulousway. Sometimes I had no words for the fear, but they would manifest themselves in tears, and so I would have to back track in my thinking to see if I could identify the thoughts that preceded the fears. The theme for myretreat, before, during, and even now, is >>surrender<<.The healing that I received during and after Fr Jozo's retreat in 2002 was not repeated in any other form during/after this retreat. But I know there is soul excavation going on that allows the establishment of a wider anddeeper faith foundation in my mind, body, heart and soul. This knowledge is comforting, even though the work is, at times, indefinable. Dependence on Sacred Scripture is one gem that emerged with me from the five days ofsilence and fasting and prayer. The only vocalization made during the fivedays of silence was that of prayer or reading the Psalms, or singing songsof adoration. The 24-hour adoration was a dream-come-true. Time with Jesuswas precious and the voice of the Spirit -- His whisper -- was clear andtrue. The words of the Psalms were like glistening gems, completelyformed/cut/polished by then end of the individual reading. They would not simply resonate within my heart, but would hang in the air, suspended,almost a breathless whisper. The sentiment would then embed itself deeply into my mind and heart. I will try to remember to write the list of Psalms that we used, although I do not remember the order in which we used them. I found myself referring to the daily seasonal readings often throughout each day. I remembered to bring a little booklet that has the daily Mass readings in it. It was extremely helpful during the evening Croatian Mass.Each night the Gospel was proclaimed in ten languages! What magnificence!
After Easter the number of priest and pilgrim groups rose, and so eachevening there were 40 to 50 priests concelebrating Mass. The retreat was held between Easter Sunday and Divine Mercy Sunday...a great blessing, and such beautiful daily readings at Holy Mass! Divine Mercy Sunday is almost non-existent in Vermont, and so I LOVE being in a place where Mercy -- Divine Mercy -- is valued, honored, and praised. It is this very Divine Mercy that saved my soul, and I ache when I think of those who have not yet heard of it, and those who do not know it as a pearl of great price!

more to come...if you're not totally bored yet!! :))

Writen by: Peggy [fivestonesofgospa@yahoo.com]